40 Days

Posted: February 28, 2019 in Grief

Today is 40 days after you left.

Every religion has its own tradition for mourning.

For many Buddhist, the traditions include a ninety-day mourning period for the bereaved families.

For Jews, Avelut, the process of mourning begins immediately after the deceased is interred and the casket is completely covered, with earth.  They have Shiva, 7 days of mourning and also Shloshim, 30 days of mourning.

While in Islam, there is a specific mourning period that only applies to a woman who has lost her spouse “Iddah”, and it is a period of 4 months and 10 days, but interesting to see that there’s no specific mourning period for a man when he lost his spouse.

Lies Marcoes has an alternative interpretation for women who has lost her beloved one, she calls it “Social Iddah” and it’s 40 days of mourning.

We have so many rituals to pay tribute and respects to the deceased, the loved one. And every culture and traditional beliefs have their own tradition for bereavement. But for me, those timelines are distressing.

In these 40 days after you are gone, I have learned many things. One of the things I have learned is that grieving is very subjective; it’s so personal. It is not the same for everybody. It is just like a fingerprint, you cannot have an identical process for grief. Everyone has his or her own journey and experience.

Therefore, there is no single formula to overcome grieving.

There is no single recipe to handle this sadness, pain, sorrow, guilt, anger, and bitterness when they struck. Now I know that the mourning period for each individual is different and that there is no schedule or deadline for grieving.

“It has been said ‘time heals all wounds’. I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scars tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone” – Rose Kennedy



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